Jamie Winchester
by jesmille91
Summary: There was never a day that Jamie didn't think about her boys, but she never thought that they would ever come and see her. And she sure as hell never would have expected what they had to tell her. Set in season 3. Rated M for breathing room
1. Chapter 1

It's been years since either Dean or Sam have heard anything from Jamie. For all they know, she could be dead. All they knew was a few years back, a post card was sent to Bobby's for them. Something she would do whenever she moved so they knew where to go if needed. Both Winchester boys never needed it, not until now. The only time she was contacted, it was Bobby that showed up on her front porch, sent by Sam and Dean, to let her know that John had died and that they were going to give him a hunter's funeral as soon as Bobby got back. And that was last year.  
Dean never thought that he would be doing this, driving to the last known address for Jamie. He was only doing this to shut Sam up. As he drove his baby, his jaw clenched and hand gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white. Sam was biting his bottom lip nervously messing with the hem of his shirt. "Do you think she'll even recognize us?" he asks softly. "Sam, don't." Dean spat. "If you're going to act like this, then maybe you shouldn't get out of the car." Sam said calmly, not wanting to start a fight. Dean scoffed, pulling into the drive way of the last known address they had of Jamie. "I won't give her the satisfaction."  
Sam and Dean get out of the Impala, walking slowly. "How do you know she's even home? It is only one in the afternoon. Maybe she's working." Sam said, his voice shaking a little. As the slowly walk up the steps of the porch of the one level house, Dean points to the freshly washed and waxed purple mustang parked in front of the garage. Sam pushes the doorbell once. A few seconds had past and Dean starts impatiently knocking on the locked screen door. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" they hear someone from inside yell. A few seconds later, a woman with curly brown hair, standing at 5'6", wearing a white wife beater and dark jeans that are both covered in oil and grease, answers opens the door, wiping off her hand with a white cloth. Her eyes open wide with shock as she looks up at Dean and Sam, "Boys." she breathes.  
Jamie unlocks the screen door and opens it, "Come in." she says, a faint smile on her face. She locks the screen door and main door behind her and walk behind the two men as they take in her house. It was very open, one could see basically all the rooms from any point of the house, save the bedrooms and one of the bathrooms. It would be hard for someone to hide themselves here. All the floors are hard wood, the kitchen being white tiles. All the walls were a cream color, covered in photos and paintings, which both Sam and Dean recognized very well.  
Jamie puts the now dirty white cloth in her back pocket, walking a little faster than the boys, "So, how have you two been?" she says nervously, walking them into the kitchen. She gets herself a glass of water and asked if they were thirsty. Dean and Sam declined. "Ok then." Jamie says as she pulls her hair back and a pony tail. "Um…well…" she grabs a plate that was a few feet away from her on the counter, holding it up in front of her surprise guests. "I made some chocolate chip cookies just a few hours ago before I started working on my baby." she tucks her stray bangs behind her ears. "That's why I look less than my best." she says with a chuckle. When neither of the Winchesters said anything, they just looked at Jamie. Sam's look wasn't necessarily a blank one, more like he had a million things on his mind and didn't know what to say. But Dean's look was unmistakable. It was one of pure anger.  
Jamie takes a deep breath and puts her palms on the isle in front of her. "Say something. We're family. It shouldn't be this awkward." Dean scoffs at Jamie, Sam groans, as if to tell him not to start anything. They had just gotten there, anyway. "Family?" Dean questions. "I don't know if you have any right to call us family." "Dean," Sam pleads softly, "Stop." "No, no." Jamie says, her head down, "Let him talk. I asked him to." Dean slowly takes a few steps, his hands balling into fists in his jacket pockets. "Talk? You see, I'm not sure if there's anything to really talk about." Jamie nods. "See, we could talk about the weather, that sweet car you have outside, how we've all been all these years. Or hey, maybe about how you abandoned us when I was 12 and Sam was 8!" Dean exclaimed. Jamie lifts her head slightly, looking up through her eyelashes. "Me leaving was never about you."  
Dean chuckles to himself. "Right, I remember that being a part of your speech the night you left." "Dean, quit it. Now." Dean looks back at his little brother who's standing solid, like a statue, fists balled up, for some reason not able to look up. "Look, you may be able to forgive so easily, but I can't." Dean looks back at Jamie. "You left, and everything was on my shoulders. Everything! I was 12! How was I supposed to know how to take care of anyone but myself?! To keep our family together!" "Dean." Jamie breathed, tears threatening to fall her eyes, and Dean's as well. "You were my big sister! The one person that both of us could rely on and because you just had to leave, that was left to me!" "That same responsibility was mine when I was only 10 years old." Jamie says through her teeth, now glaring up at Dean, "Or do you not remember? The night mom died, dad shut down, becoming less of a father, so I had to be the parent to a four-year-old and a six month old when I was only 10." "He may not have been father of the year, but he did the best he could." Dean defended. "His best wasn't good enough! He could have raised us in Lawrence. Or left us with one of mom's cousins. Hell, he could have left us at Uncle Bobby's even! But no, he was so consumed with revenge, his children came second." Jamie says in pure bitterness. "He was coping for his wife." Sam blurted. "And I was coping for my mother!" Jamie almost screeched. "Dean has some memories of mom and that night she died, but I had ten years with her. And **I** was the one that had to pull dad out of Sam's nursery!" Jamie makes herself stop, noticing that she's now gripping on her forearm, her nails nearly cutting deep enough for her to bleed.  
Sam can't help it. Sure, he's mad at her for leaving all those years ago. Mad for her pure anger towards their father, like he was dirt, but this was his big sister. The closest thing he ever remembered having to a mother. Sam steps around the isle and hugs his sister tight from the side, her hand slipping up, patting his shoulder. Jamie smiles grimly, biting back the tears, and kisses his cheek. She takes a deep sigh as Sam releases from the hug and steps back. "Well, now that that's over, at least for now," she hurries the last part, knowing what he was going to say next, "I'm sure you didn't drive all the way here to yell at me." Her stare turns into concern. "What's wrong?" Both brothers share a look and Dean sighs, as if he lost a mental argument. "I…last year, I saw Sam die," Jamie's hand automatically grabs for Sam's, "And I couldn't take it, so I sold my soul for him to live." Dean clears his throat, "I have less than a year, and Sam insists on breaking this somehow and we figured since you were always so interested in Christianity and demonology, you would know a weakness in demons that we don't already know."  
Jamie slowly lets herself fall against the counter behind her, her arms bracing her, as she takes this all in, different waves of emotions hit her. Her family had died or is going to. How could Dean say this nonchalantly? She felt anger, sadness, and fear all at the same time. And Winchesters don't do fear very well.  
Her eyes become glistened with tears. Her head snaps up to Sam, the baby boy she had partially raised, who's now hesitantly walking towards her again. Then she looks over to Dean, the happy, free little boy she remembered no longer existing, having to be dad's soldier and Sam's protector had taken a hold on him, making him look too old at such a young age. Jamie's heart broke. She slid down to the floor. Dean now on her right. "How," she says quietly, to herself mostly, "How could I let this happen?" she was numb, trying to keep a wall up around the feelings that were trying to burst through her. Sam kneels down and places a hand on her shoulder. "Why didn't anyone tell me?!" she yelled, looking back and forth between her baby brothers. "What would you have done?" Dean asks bitterly. "Get on your white horse and become the hero of the family you haven't been a part of for 16 years?"  
Jamie's head snaps up at Dean, looking at him but not in his eyes. She couldn't make herself look him in the eyes. "My life isn't that easy to just pack up, but I would have done something. I would have…" Jamie brings her knees to her chest. "Why didn't I know anything? Why didn't you come to me earlier?" She says as she rocks herself, trying to stop the tears. She looks at Dean again, who's sitting on the balls of his feet. Her sweet little boys. All they've ever done is help people, they're whole lives have been about doing so, never truly doing anything for themselves. All Dean's ever wanted was his family to be together, and now he was going to die. He was going to **HELL**. Jamie couldn't help it, she just couldn't. She lunges at Dean, sitting on her knees, her arms wrapped tight around his neck, hugging him tightly.  
Dean wasn't sure how to react. Part of him, a huge part of him, wanting to return the hug, weigh all his fears and sadness on someone else for a change, like he used to all those years ago, but another part of him couldn't allow that. Couldn't allow her to be forgiven so easily. She was the first to abandoned him, and the only one that stayed away. How could she do that to him? As the war of emotions inside Dean fought, he chose let himself give in, just a little. He let out a sigh of relief, resting his head on her shoulder, keeping his arms to his sides. He did miss this. The feeling that everything was going to be ok, someone else was going to make it right. Missed not having to feel the weight of the world on his shoulders. Jamie gave him that, she gave him so much growing up. Then, one day, it was ripped away.  
With that thought, he gently grabbed her arms and removed her from him, slowly getting up. All Jamie could do is sigh, letting her body fall a little. Dean had every right to push her away. Hell, if he wanted to, she couldn't even be mad at him if he put his hands on her. She looked to Sam, who had his hand on her shoulder, looking at her as if he was a little kid again, wanting to make his big sister feel better. Sam helped her stand back up, the three of them wandering into the living. Dean, of course, was the only one who decided not to sit down. "So, first off, what in the _**HELL**_ has happened in the past few years? How did dad die?" she glared at Sam, "How did **you** die?" Dean just looks up at Sam, letting him know that he wasn't going to be the one to tell this story. Sam breathed in deeply. "It's an extremely long story." "And I've got time." she countered.


	2. Chapter 2

After Sam told Jamie everything, from why their father died, to the reason their mother and Jessica had died, killing Yellow Eyes, their father climbing out of hell and then disappearing, and why Sam was killed, including everything that lead up to it, Jamie was sitting sideways in the big chair she was sitting in, holding her knees to her chest again, staring into nothingness. She couldn't believe all what their family had gone through, she hated that she didn't know, but she hated herself more for not being there in the first place.  
Dean stood there, leaning against the wall. He clears his throat. "So, is there anything you can think of, come up with, to help us?" Jamie looks up at Dean, but not at his eyes, "I…I might. I'll have to look in my books." At that moment, Jamie shoots up and starts walking to the back door. "You coming?" she asks her younger brothers without looking at them. Sam stands up, meeting up with Jamie in just four long strides, Dean following behind him. After the boys walk out the back door, Jamie walks up to it and locks it. She leads them to a cellar that's by the garage.  
As they all walk down the a few steps and the brothers share a confused look, as if they're older sister was crazy. All they saw was the average, old cellar-cobwebs all on the ceiling, a few small stools splayed around, they're even holes in the cemented walls. Jamie grabs the little flashlight that was attached to her keychain as she closes the cellar doors above her. She shines it towards Dean's face then Sam's to see their reactions, they were both dumbfounded. Jamie laughs to herself. "Guys, I'm the daughter of a hunter. Have you ever known a hunter to not have a hiding place?" She walks to the middle of the far wall and places her hand inside one of the holes in the wall, both of her younger brothers watching in disbelief.  
Inside the wall, Jamie wraps her fingers around something iron and yanks on it hard. The wall moves to the side to reveal a bigger room, bookcases on every wall so large that it looked like it was what the wall itself. There were devil traps all over the floors and walls, a big, circular table in the middle of the room. From what the boys could see, all the walls were iron, even on the back side that is facing the secret room was plated in iron. As the secret door opened, the lamps that were splayed around the room automatically turned on. Dean and Sam's mouths dropped. Jamie walked into the room, slowly followed by the two younger Winchesters. "Wha…how'd you do this?" Sam asked. Jamie shrugs. "Had a boyfriend that worked in security for the government. He helped me out a bit." Dean rolls his eyes. "Of course. Jamie, you could never find someone that was just a regular guy." She squints her eyes at Dean. "Yeah, remember that time you dated that guy that ended up being the son of a someone that owned a amusement park?" Sam chimed in, "Yeah," Dean says as he remembers, "And it so happened that you waited to break up with him until both our birthdays passed." Jamie looks away from Dean and Sam, picking at one of the bookcases. "Then there was the guy who ended up being the son of the person who owned the house dad rented for a few months. And we ended up with a lot more money than we usually had when we rented a place." Sam pointed out as they all walked into the secret room. Jamie closes the wall behind them, "I have no clue what you're getting at." Dean grunted. "Just how long did you date this guy?" He asked. Jamie shrugs, "Like, six months." "About as long it took to make this room?" Sam asked, smirking. Jamie shrugs her shoulders. Both Sam and Dean glare at her, Dean with his arms crossed. "I didn't do it intentionally!" She blurted, walking farther into the room. Sam walks to the closest bookcase, looking at all the books that were on it. Dean just stands there, watching his older sister jumping from bookcase to bookcase, grabbing a handful of books from each one a few different times. When there were too many books for her to hold, she forcefully hands them to Sam, "Why do I have to hold all the books?" He asks irritated. "Cause you're stronger," Jamie says as she looks at more book, "And a lot bigger." _Plus, Dean wants to have little to no interaction with me._ She thought to herself. She pauses for a moment and looks down, And he has every right.

When Jamie picked out all of the books she believed she needed, which most of them looked to be about a hundred years old, her and the two younger Winchesters walked back into the house, Jamie locking the door behind her, and the three of them sat around the island in the middle of the kitchen, each of them taking a book, tossing the book to the side when done.

Dean glances up at Jamie every now and then, he just can't believe how much she has changed. The last time he saw her, she had her hair dyed black with random colors all around it, she was skinny, always wearing a bunch of black eyeliner and dark makeup. The years have changed her. Now, there's not a bit of makeup on her, she's a little chubby, no, healthy looking and a lot more muscle, and she let her natural blonde hair grow out, which she had to do years ago because now it falls past her shoulder blades. She looks so much like their mother. Well, at least from what he could remember. She didn't really look too old, but, in a way, she looks older than 34. _She always looked older than she was._ Dean thinks to himself, biting back the anger that sourced through him. This is why he would never allow himself to think about his sister or his early childhood-it was too much for him. Her leaving had caused him so much anger and bitterness that was still inside him that it would make him see red. _How can she just sit there so calm?_ He thinks, trying his hardest to keep his mind on the book that was in front of him. _We're sitting right here, the two brothers that she abandoned. And she's just sitting there._

Jamie was on edge, her baby brothers were sitting right in front of her, she was told everything that had happened to them up to Dean's deal. And all of this was her fault. Everything. She never stopped kicking herself for the decision she made all those years ago. She was happy were she is now, but it never at the expense of her family. It took her everything not to burst into tears, climb over the island and hug both her brothers as tight as possible and beg for their forgiveness. But she knew better. She had to be strong, like she always was. They needed her to be in control of herself and be the adult. Jamie's brothers were very intelligent and independent, but they worked and concentrate better when they didn't have everything on their shoulders. She was going to make up everything to Sam and Dean. Jamie was going to help Dean the best she could. She wouldn't stop until she's read every book in her library at least twice. And if she couldn't find a way to help him, or help find the demon that held the contract and kill it.  
Jamie raises her hands above her head and takes a long stretch. Her body was stiff and ached something fierce. _Guess I've been hunched over longer than I thought._ She thought to herself. As she stretches she glances up at the clock on the microwave. "Damn." She exclaims. Both Sam and Dean's heads snap up. Jamie's face blushed, "Um, didn't know it was five already." She says sheepishly. Jamie goes back to reading the book in front of her when she hears a car door slam. Her head snapped up, both Sam and Dean tense up when seeing the fear in Jamie's eyes. "SHIT!" She takes a deep breath and collects the scattered books and quickly stacks them neatly. Jamie runs her hands through her hair, trying to relax, and looks towards her brothers, willing the words to come to her. "Jamie, what is it?" Sam finally asks. "I…I have to tell you something." Dean and Sam just look at her impatiently, "I don't know how you'll take it, but it…please don't hate me from keeping it from you." She says with tears in her eyes, "Please." Next thing the three of them heard, someone had opened the front door. "MOM! I'M BACK FROM PRACTICE!"


	3. Chapter 3

16 years ago:  
It's sometime around 8 pm and Dean is sitting on the foot of the bed with Sammy, watching some kind of cartoon. He couldn't say which one because he wasn't paying much attention, but it made Sammy happy, so it was ok.  
Dean keeps looking towards the bathroom door. He was worried. "How come Sissy takes forever in the shower?" Sammy asked, as if he was annoyed. Dean gives him a faint smile, "I have no clue, Sammy. Seems like every day, she's in there for an extra ten minutes." Dean says as he ruffles Sammy's hair.  
As the words fell out of his mouth, Jamie walks out of the bathroom wearing one of their father's flannel shirts and worn out black sweat pants, and wet hair up in a messy bun. "Can't a girl have one place where she can be by herself and have a break?" She asks, Dean flinches at the bitterness in it. As soon as she sees that, Jamie instantly feels guilty. She lays down on the bed the boys are sitting on. Then, without any warning, she quickly grabs both Sam and Dean by the waist and pulls them up to the head of the bed, they laughed and screamed a little in surprise.  
Jamie loosens her grip around each brother's waist, but doesn't let go. Even when Dean tried his hardest to push away from her, insisting that he's way to old to cuddle with his grown sister. "I mean, I'm twelve." he said, trying his hardest to have and "adult" voice. Jamie just grabbed at his waist, tickling him in that one spot just above his hip. Once she finished, Dean was now resting his head on her shoulder, watching the television. "You will always be my little man." She says, then kisses the top of his head, which made Dean roll his eyes, but he couldn't make the smile disappear. "What about me?" Sam asked, looking up at Jamie, "You will always be my baby boy, Slammy." She says with the warmest smile then hugged him tightly. She lays her head against the wall as all three of them started watching cartoons again. Jamie sighed deeply, content with how things are, "My boys." She breathes, a smile on her face.  
Next thing Jamie knows, their father barges in the motel room. Dean and Sam stiffen, afraid there's danger, Jamie just looks at her father in anger. "What the hell?" She almost yells. "Jamie, this is NOT the time." He says with urgency. "Now get dressed. I need you." Jamie quickly stands up, hands on her hips. "No, the BOYS need me. You wanted this hunt, then you do it!" She spat at him "Dammit Jamie!" Dean and Sammy flinch at John's anger. "Fine." John says, his face turning to stone. "Dean, you get dressed. You know how to use a knife, right?" "Y-y-yes sir." Dean stuttered. Jamie presses her hand on his chest to stop him from getting up, not taking her eyes off John. "How fucking dare you!" She yells. "He's a child!" John quickly steps closer to Jamie, "Well, I need back up! And if you won't do it, Dean will. He's second oldest." Jamie slaps him. "You will NEVER put these kids in danger as long as I'm around!" Jamie says, squaring her shoulders.  
John didn't mean to do it, not really. He was just so angry and in a hurry. But, before he even knew what he was doing, he backhanded his daughter, his baby girl. Jamie caught herself on the nightstand, her head inches away from the corner of it. Dean jumps off the bed and on his father, using all his strength to hit John as Sammy rushes to Jamie to see if she's ok. "Don't touch her!" Dean shrieks, "You don't EVER hit her! You bastard!" "Dean, Dean, shhh. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He says to Dean, giving him a bear hug to hold down Dean's arms. He looks to Jamie, who's now standing up, Sammy clinging to her side.  
John has tears in his eyes, matching Jamie's. "Baby girl." He barely says, choking on tears. Jamie nods at him, making John shut his eyes, praying that she knew he didn't mean it. She bends down to Sam, hugging him tightly, "Shhhhh. It's alright, Slam-a-lam." She says, calming him. She pulls back, "I'll be back with daddy tomorrow." She tells him, kissing the top of his head. Jamie stands walks to her father, "Let me put them to bed then I'll get dressed." She tells him as she pulls Dean, who's now calm in his father's arms, trying not to cry, off of their father. Dean stands in front of his big sister, looking at the floor. Jamie lifts his chin and wipes his nose with her sleeve. "My little man." she says with a smile, trying to ignore the pain on the left side of her face. She hugs him tight and whispers, "He didn't mean it. Don't hate daddy." in his ear. All Dean does is nod, then smiles slightly when Jamie kisses his cheek. She motions both Sammy and Dean to the bed then tucks them in. "Why do we still have to share a bed?" Sammy whines. Jamie chuckles, "Well, what if daddy and I come home in just a few hours? Where are we supposed to sleep?" She teases.  
Jamie kisses both of her brothers on the forehead and hands Dean the remote. She goes into the bathroom and gets fully dressed in record time. Before she closes the door behind her, John already in the impala, she looks back at them. "Dean, there's a knife in the drawer beside you and a gun under the bed. Do not forget that the safety is on. I love you boys." She then closes the door behind her and runs to the impala, sliding in the passenger seat. "Jamie, you know I really…" "I know, alright?" She says sternly, her arms crossed in front of her.  
They sat there in silence for a few more minutes, John back on the road, driving as fast as he could to his destination. Jamie stares intently at John, not saying a word. John keeps looking over at her, waiting for her to yell at him, scream even. But all there was was silence. "Say something, J." he almost begs her. "You ever," Jamie starts to say, leaning in, "And I mean ever, use either of those kids to get to me again, lay a hand on them, if they get hurt in ANY way and you caused it…I. Will. Kill. You." John replies with one nod. "I wouldn't expect anything else, JJ." John says solemnly. "But," he continues, still looking at the road, "You do know I love them, right? I love all three of you." Jamie's attitude lessens a little as she closes her eyes. "Yes, John." she answers, with no anger or bitterness in her voice, for once. "But not like you did." she says too quietly for John to hear, her eyes still closed.

* * *

John's sprinting to the impala as fast as he can, holding Jamie close to him. "Wake up, JJ!" He yells to her, "Stay awake! Stay with me!" He says as he gently lays her in the back seat before jumping into the driver's seat. He turns on the car and stomps on the gas pedal. He looks back at Jamie, moving his hand back to hold hers, "Daddy's got you, J. we'll be at the hospital real soon." John feels Jamie squeeze his hand, "No." she whispers, her breath becoming shallow. "Gotta get the boys." "Jamie," John says, trying his hardest not to cry. "I don't know if you'll make it. You got cuts….and stab wounds…all over you." "What if he goes after them?" she asks, being as loud as she can. "Daddy please!" John looks back to the road and nods his head, making a sharp turn towards the motel.  
Dean jumps almost all the way out of bed when he hears the door being all but kicked down. As he goes for the knife, he hears his father. "Lets go! Now!" John yells, walking over to the bed in three long strides, picking up Sammy in one arm and Dean in the other. "Dad." Dean says, groggily, "What's wrong?" "No time right now. I'll tell you at the hospital." He says as he puts Dean and Sammy in the front seat. When John gets into the passenger seat, he slams on the gas pedal again, making his way to the hospital. "Why are we going there?" Dean asks sternly. "I made a mistake, your sister covered for me." John couldn't think of another way to put it. Dean didn't need to know what happened, not all of it. Only if Jamie wanted him to know, which is very doubtful. Dean could hate and blame John all he wanted, he just couldn't find out what really happened.  
Dean starts hitting his dad hard, pushing his shoulder, until he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Dean stop it! What's going on?" A now awake Sammy asked. Dean decided to hide his anger, hugging onto his very worried, scared little brother.  
As he hugged Sammy, Dean heard mumbling in the backseat, he hugged Sammy's head to his shoulder so he wouldn't see. Sammy didn't need to see Jamie like this. Dean also tried his hardest to cover Sammy's ears once he could actually understand what Jamie was saying. "It wasn't him…it couldn't be. No, stop, please! It's not you! It wasn't him, no! Stop! DADDY HELP! DADDY!" "Sissy!" Sam shrieked, trying to struggle out of Dean's hold so he can get to his sister. John's hand quickly moves behind him and squeezes Jamie's, trying to bring her back to reality, out of the fever-caused hell she's in. "Daddy's here, daddy's right here. I'm not going anywhere, JJ. I've got you." Dean squeezed Sam tighter as he hears his big sister's whimper and cries. "I'm sorry daddy, I'm so sorry." Jamie screams, "It hurts!" John squeezes Jamie's hand tighter as he finally pulls into the hospital parking lot.  
Sammy and Dean jump out of one side of the impala as John jumps out of the other, flinging the one of the backseat doors open and pulls Jamie out of the car. All three of them sprint into the hospital, Dean holding Sammy's hand tight, pulling him. As soon as they get inside the emergency room, it's an echo of 'help her' and 'please' out of the Winchesters.  
A nurse quickly grabs a gurney, John following behind her, placing Jamie on it. "What happened?" The nurse asks, using a light to check if Jamie is responsive. "She was attacked. Please, help her." John begged. "It couldn't be him. It…wasn't. Please no. Help me! Daddy help!" Jamie mumbles almost incoherently. "Are you a relative?" she asked, now her and few other nurses push her down the hall, "Her father." "Daddy!" Jamie says as her body lunges up. One of the nurses places a hand on each side of Jamie's face, "Are you with us, sweetie? Can you tell me your name?" Jamie mumbles something softly. "Didn't hear you, honey. One more time." "Jamie Winchester." Jamie's head starts moving side to side, she then seems as if she's panicking and tries to sit up. One of the nurses gently pushes her down on her back again, "Relax, you'll be fine." "No, my brothers." she says, her breathing quickening, "John, where are they?" "Right here, Jamie." Dean says, running along the gurney, still holding Sammy's hand. "Don't leave us, Jamie. We need you." Sammy says, tears in his eyes. "You're safe." Jamie breathes, relaxing now.  
The nurses push Jamie through some doors, one of them staying behind, stopping John, Dean, and Sam from going any further. "No, please." John begged. "You don't understand." "Sir, you can't go any further. And the only people who can help her right now are the doctors." the nurse says calmly. "No, Jamie!" Sammy says, running towards the doors until Dean wraps his arms around Sammy's waist to stop him. "I know, baby boy. But we can't help." "I want to be with her." Sammy cries. Dean turns him around and hugs him tighter. "I know. I know."  
John kneels down to his sons, feeling a part of this family missing. He wraps his big arms tightly around Sammy and Dean, trying his best to hold his family together.

* * *

It's been three weeks since that last hunt. John, as usual, had dropped his three children off at a motel, working on another hunt. This was no shock to Jamie, in fact, she thought he'd be back at it a lot sooner than that.  
Jamie sits on the floor of the bathroom, her head resting against the wall, staring up at the sink. "Fuck!" She says, her jaw locked. "Fuck! Shit! No!" She says, hitting her head against the wall behind her. Jamie then slowly stands up, holding onto her bruised and broken ribs. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, images of happy, recent memories become merged with painful, torturous ones. Jamie then starts to punch the wall, causing holes. After a few punches, she rests against the wall once again, crying. "Why? Why?" as she asked again, she hit her head somewhat hard, tears spilling down her face. Jamie's head snaps up as she hears a small knock on the door. "Sis?" Dean. She thought. "Yeah?" she says softly, but loud enough for him to hear her. "What were those noises? Are you ok? Need help with your bandages?" Jamie shook her head. "No, thanks little man." "Ok, well, Sammy and I are right out here if you need anything."  
Jamie covers her mouth as another sob threatens to escape. "I can't do this. Not right now…" She kicks the wall, I can't leave them. They need me so much. She thinks to herself. But, if John knew, he'd…he'd…Jamie wouldn't let herself finish the sentence, she couldn't think of her father in that light. I'm no good to them right now. I'm too weak to protect them. Plus, they might be in danger because of me. He might come back again, especially now. Jamie pushes down on one of the slashes that was on her upper arm, ripping the stitching slowly. I can't leave. What will they do? Tears continuously fall down her face. Maybe John would actually step up and be a parent. Jamie shook her head, laughing at the thought. If he was going to do that, he would have done it a long time ago. Jamie turned around so her back was against the wall. They're his sons. They shouldn't be my responsibility. She bites her lip, trying her hardest to stop the crying. But they are. It sounds horrible, but I love them like their mine. She hits her fists on the wall. They are mine. They're my family. Jamie hunches over and holds her stomach. God I've never missed mom so much. She'd help me. Hold me and tell me what to do.  
A few more minutes go by until Jamie finally makes up her mind. She washes her face and bursts out of the bathroom, grabbing her duffle bag and throwing her belongings inside. "Where are we going, Sissy?" Sammy asked, Jamie bit her lip, not giving an answer. "Sissy?" Dean said, trying to get her attention. She continues filling her duffle bag. Only when she's finished does she turn around, tears in her eyes. "Jamie." Dean says, his voice shaking. Sammy walks up to her and holds her hand. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" he asks. Jamie shakes her head and squats down, motioning for Dean to come closer.  
She rests a hand on Sam's and Dean's shoulder. "I…I have to leave." "Dean knocks her hand off him, "Jamie, no!" he shouts. "Don't leave!" Sammy cries. Tears once again stream down Jamie's face, she tries to fake a smile but fails. "I got to, just for a little while." "Why?" Dean asks angrily. "What did we do? Jamie, whatever I did, I'm sorry." He says quickly, wrapping his arms around her neck. Jamie blinks, her vision becomes fuzzy for a second from her tears. She wraps her arms around Dean's waist then tries to push away, caressing his cheek. "You did nothing wrong, you understand? I love you, both of you, more than my own life. You. Are. Perfect." She says sternly, praying that he listens to every word. Her heart breaks as she sees the tears on her brothers' faces. "Then stay." Dean whispers.  
Jamie pulls her brothers in close, hugging both of them. "I love you. Don't forget that. I would lay my own life down for you, I will kill anyone who every tries to hurt you. Remember that." She says quickly, kissing both of them on the forehead. Jamie runs out of the motel room as fast as she can, throwing her duffle bag inside the beaten down, purple old mustang that Bobby gave her two years ago for her sixteenth birthday. Dean and Sam chase after her, begging her not to leave. "I'll be back!" she calls out, "I love you!"  
That was the last thing Dean heard as the mustang drove off. He fell to his knees as Sam screams Jamie's name, begging for her to come back. Dean gets off his feet and grabs Sam's arm, pulling him inside. "Ow! You're hurting me!" Sam cries, trying to yank himself out of his older brother's grasp. "We have to stop Sissy!" "Jamie doesn't want to be stopped. She's had enough, she doesn't want this life with us!" Dean yelled. Sammy finally frees himself from his brother's hold and starts hitting Dean, "That's a lie! She loves us! She's just scared!" Dean grabs Sammy's wrists, looking him dead in the eyes. "She's gone, Sam. What happened to her was the last straw, we're not enough for her to stay anymore. She. Doesn't. CARE!"  
Jamie keeps looking in her rearview mirror, her heart shattering into a million pieces as she sees the pain she caused in her brothers. She takes a deep breath, trying to stop crying. "Just for a while." She says to herself, "I'll be back. If nothing else, then to take them with me."


	4. Chapter 4

Jamie Chapter four

Dean storms out of Jamie's house, Sam hot on his tail, "Dean, we can't just leave, give her a chance." He says in hushed but strong tones, "A chance, Sam? This isn't just some simple thing that could easily slip her mind, this is a son! A pretty grown one, from the sound of his voice." Dean yells back to Sam, still walking to the impala. Jamie sprints after them, "Sam! Dean!" she yells out to them. She reaches Dean, grabbing his upper arm and turns him around. "Please, I'm so s…" "Sorry?" Dean finishes. "Yeah, you've been real sorry since we've been here. But, as soon as we heard that boy's voice, you rushed him up the stairs, not even introducing us." Dean squares his shoulders, "What, Jamie, are we some big secret you're ashamed of? A part of your life you want to keep hidden?" "God, no! That's not it at all!" She protests. "Dean," Sam pleads, "Let her explain." Dean shoots Sam a look then smiles to himself, "Fine, Sam." He chuckles then looks back at Jamie, "Go on, explain. Please tell us how not only were you able to abandon us, but you stayed away all these years and, oh yeah, kept the fact that we have a nephew from us!"

Then it clicked, like a light bulb, when Jamie bit her lip and looked back to the house. "How old is he?" Dean asks her authoritatively. Jamie clenches her jaw and swallows. Dean knew that he was right. Sam starts to walk closer to his siblings. "How. Old." He states. Jamie clears her throat and mumbles something. "I'm sorry, what was that?" Dean asks, "He's 15, ok?" Jamie says louder. Dean scoffs, "And some odd months, I'm betting." Dean says as he walks the few feet to the driver side door of his baby. Sam just stands there, staring at his older sister, confusion and betrayal covered his face. "Is that why you left?" he asks accusingly, "What, Jamie? You were going to have someone else to be responsible for so you got rid of your burden?!" "God no! Sam, please," Jamie pled, grabbing for his hands, trying to get a connection to him, "You two were **never** a burden. It wasn't like that." Sam yanks his hands away and walks over to passenger side door. "Come on, Dean. Let's go." He says with the door open. Dean just stands there, looking at Jamie in all seriousness, watching her. "Dean?"

"But it was because of him, wasn't it? That thing dad was after during your last hunt with him, it did more than torture you?" Jamie looked away, biting her bottom lip and holding back the tears. "It's…" She clears her throat, "It's hard to explain." Dean scoffs, "Well, when you decide to explain it," Dean says as him and Sam get in the impala, "You be sure to let us know." Dean slams his car door and drives away, speeding down the road as both him and Sam trying their damnedess not to pay attention to Jamie yelling after them and running after the car.

"Please stop! I'm so so sorry!" Jamie screams, "Don't leave me!" After she's no longer in ear shot of the house, she stops running, trying to catch her breath, "You just came back to me." She says softly with tears falling down.

Sam basically charges into the motel room with Dean following close behind. Dean chucks his keys on the bed and b-lines for the fridge, grabbing and chugging down a beer. Sam sits at the small table that was in the motel room, grabbing for his laptop, wanting a distraction as Dean passes him a beer before plopping down on one of the beds. "How could she not tell us?!" Sam bursts out before his laptop even had time to warm up, "A nephew, a whole person." Dean lifts up the beer bottle to his lips, "That's what I'm saying." He states before taking a sip. Sam opens the beer bottle that his older brother had given him and chugs down a few gulps. Dean finishes his second bottle and stands up, yanking off his shirt as he walks to the bathroom, "I gotta take a shower." He says more to himself than Sam, who just nods blankly, now nursing his beer.

Dean undresses and turns on the shower, getting in the tub before giving the water time to warm up. Dean flinches as the cold water hits his skin, only relaxing slightly as it got warmer. He leans forward, resting on his forearm, as the day replays in his head. A part of him, a huge part, wanted today to go well, so badly wanted that. If it had, then maybe he'd finally be able to get all the weight off his shoulders again. He wouldn't have to always worry about Sam because someone else would be there. He would be able to let go and be young again, instead of the old man he has to be now. He'd have his big sister back. The person who showed him unconditional love after his mother died. The person that was there for all his cuts and bruises, the school fights and report cards. The person who would lie in bed with him, holding him tight, so he could just let go of everything. The only one that had fought tooth and nail, and won at times, for him to just be a kid. But, no, that was all fucked up. Maybe he had over reacted about the whole son thing, but he was pissed. She was always all about one's family, but she didn't even give a shit enough to tell them she had a kid. She took that from them, too.

Dean started punching the wall, not caring if Sam heard him. How dare she take another thing away from him? What right did she have to do that? Once Dean stopped punching, he let his back hit the wall behind him, the water violently hitting his chest. He didn't know when the tears started falling, but when they did, he couldn't stop. And, once again, as what always happens during those very few times he'd cry, he wished that Jamie was there to hold him, to make him feel better by just allowing him to let go. Dean's mind starts to replay his memories with Jamie when he was a kid. Then, out of nowhere, he hears his father's voice, telling him to man up and stop crying. It felt like a mental slap. Dean snaps out of it, rubbing his face, and turns off the shower.

Sam still couldn't believe it. He had a nephew. That was probably the worst of everything. He felt hurt and betrayed by Jamie leaving, but he mostly blamed it on his father. He truly believed Jamie when she said her leaving had nothing to do with him and Dean. But, a **son**? Was it because she was going to have her own family that she was done pretending with them? What was this boy's name? What did he look like? Was he smarter than Sam? More loyal than Dean? Does he make her more proud? Why the hell did he get to have a life with her and Sam and Dean didn't? Sam chugs the rest of his beer and shakes his head. Of course, he was over-reacting a bit. Jamie always had let the boys know where she was, always sending post cards, birthday cards, even Christmas cards, to Bobby's since that was the only consistent address. And she always had put her phone number on there. Why they never showed up, never called, Sam still couldn't answer that question. Maybe he was afraid of rejection. Maybe Dean was right and she didn't care about them anymore. Maybe the knowledge of her having a son was proof of that. Sam hit his head against the wall. He just couldn't understand any of this. Nothing had made any sense.

Dean walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around him. Sam laughs once, "You forget something?" He says, lifting the second beer to his lips. "Shaddup." Dean responded, rummaging through his duffle bag. Sam looked down at his empty bottle, "Do you think things would have been different if we knew?" Dean had flinched at Sam's question. Because it was on the list of many things he did not want to talk about, but also because he didn't really know the answer to that. Dean sighed heavily and sat on his bed. "I'd like to say yes. In a way. But I really don't know" Sam laughed once. He hadn't expected his brother to be so honest. Or to be on the same wave-length as him. Sam would love to have known about his nephew, but he didn't know how it would had changed things. Would their father not be so stubborn and actually go after her? Would they had become the family they once were with this new addition? Of course Sam would want to say yes, want to think bigger of his family, but he really didn't know.

Dean had started rummaging through his duffle bag again when another question had popped into Sam's head. "What did you mean, exactly?" Dean paused before he turned to face his brother, hoping he was going to ask what Dean thought he was. "When you said that the thing dad was hunting didn't only torture her, or whatever." Dean sighed heavily; of course he wasn't going to get a break tonight. He looked down at his hands, messing with the t-shirt he was holding, taking a deep breath before looking back up at Sam. "You don't remember?" He asked, not sure what he wanted more—Sam not remembering the horror of that not or not wanting to explain what happened. Sam sat up a little straighter, his whole back resting against the wall. "I remember dad wanting to take you on a hunt because Jamie wouldn't, I remember him hit…" His eyes fell for a second, not wanting to finish the sentence, "And I remember waking up to you and dad fighting in the car and that Jamie was in the back seat. Everything else is pretty fussy." Dean grunted and leaned against the dresser that his duffle bag was on. "Yeah, she went on a hunt with dad last night, and, uh…" Dean scratched the side of his mouth, "Jamie almost didn't make it. I'm not sure all the details, and I'm not sure if I wanna know." Dean looked up at Sam but not in his eyes, he couldn't make eye contact when talking about this. "Dad said he made a mistake and Jamie paid for it." Dean laughed to himself once. "Hell yeah she paid for it. Five broken ribs, four cracked ones, a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder. Not to mention all the…" Dean cleared his throat, trying not to cry at the memory, "Not to mention the 10 stab wounds and all the slices and cuts." Dean rubbed his sinuses and chuckled. "What?" Sam asked with a faint smile. "Nothing, just…She was, well, broken and bleeding to death, and still made sure dad got us to make sure we would be safe."

Both brothers flinched when they heard someone banging on the door. As Sam gets up, he picks up his gun, cautiously walking to the door, dean standing behind him, gun in hand. Sam quickly opens the door, shocked and relieved to see Jamie standing there. Jamie smiles awkwardly as she lifts up her hands, a bag in each one. "I come baring gifts." Sam scoffs, "Really?" He asks accusingly. Jamie looks up at him, "Please, Sam. I don't deserve it but give me a chance." She looks in and sees Dean, who's shaking his head. Sam sighs heavily and lets Jamie inside. "Come on." Dean grumbles angrily. He grabs his clothes and quickly walks into the bathroom. Jamie laughs to herself. "Dean, I had bathed you or helped bathe you until you were eight." "Yeah, well, a lot has changed since puberty." He yells out of the bathroom. Sam laughs as he hesitantly moves a chair to the table, sitting kind of far from Jamie. Dean walks back into the room, putting on a shirt. He stands in front of the table and stares down at her. "What the hell do you want, Jamie?" He asked angrily. "You said that when I was ready to explain to let you two know." Jamie pulls out a half gallon bottle of whiskey from one of the plastic bags, "I'm letting you know."

Dean pulled out a chair, sitting a foot away from the table, with his arms crossed in front of him. Jamie takes the bottle of whiskey, taking a big gulp. She takes off her jacket and slouches into the seat. "The reason I left…" she looks up at Dean and then Sam, "100% had nothing to do with you guys." Dean sighs angrily then groans, "We've heard this a million times, Jamie." "But it's the truth, I swear on my son's life." Jamie rushes out. "But, I did leave because I found out I was pregnant." Sam stiffens and clenches his jaw. Jamie places her hand on Sam's forearm, "But, I was going to come right back and get you guys after I found a place." Sam rolls his eyes as he pulls his arm away from her. "Who's his father?" Dean sternly asks. Jamie takes another big gulp of whiskey before answering. She looks up at Dean knowingly. "Remember that guy I was dating at the time? Carl?" Dean stiffens at the name, sheer anger on his face. It wasn't towards Jamie, like Sam had initially thought, but the sound of the man's name brought nothing but rage and disgust in Dean. Sam looked back and forth between his siblings, "Yeah," he said, his voice wavering in confusion, "He was a great guy. Took all of us to the arcade and the carnival." Dean made a noise that one could almost classify as s growl and rolled his shoulders. "Dean, what the hell is wrong?" He asked as Dean took the lid off one of the bottles and chugged a few gulps.

When he was done drinking, he wiped his mouth, slamming the bottle on the table. "Him?! He's the father?!" Dean asked angrily. "Dean!" Sam yelled, knowing there was something he wasn't told. "Ask her!" Dean yelled as he stood up, now pacing the room. Jamie looked up at Dean with pleading eyes, begging him to relax. She turned to Sam whose face was turning red. He absolutely hated not knowing important things. "About two months after I left, Carl's body was found in a ditch somewhere in the southern part of Maine." Sam furrowed his eyes, "We were in the southern part of Maine around then." He glanced over at Dean who could only nod his head once. Jamie now looked up at Dean, tears in her eyes. "Carl was possessed." She said without looking at Sam, keeping her eyes on Dean.

Sam sat back in his chair as he took a deep breath, everything now clicking in his head. Dean stopped pacing and looked at his older sister with angry eyes, holding his hands on his hips. He takes a deep breath and subconsciously takes a step a back as Jamie moved to stand. She decided to sit back down, but looked up at him. "As soon as I heard the news, I knew it was John who did it. All I could do is pray that you weren't with him. That he did it on his own or with Bobby. Dean, please believe me. If you don't believe anything else, believe that. I never thought John would put you through that." Dean's body relaxed a little and his face softened. "Was he…" he started to say, unable to look at Jamie, "Was he…himself? Or that…that thing?" he spat out the last two words. Jamie sighed and wiped under her eyes to stop any possible tears, "When I found out how far along I was, I knew it was before he was possessed." Dean quickly walked up to the table, "How do you know that for sure?" He asked angrily. Sam had snapped out of shock at this time, his head shooting over to Jamie, "Answer him, Jamie." He said with authority. Jamie looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. "He told me, while…" She attempted to look up at her brothers but could only manage to look in the corner of the room, "He, I mean the demon that possessed him, was the one that attacked me that night." Jamie cleared her throat. "He told me how long Carl had been possessed," she says in a whisper, "While he slowly stabbed into my lower abdomen." Jamie could barely get the last word out and couldn't say any more.

Dean sat back down at the table, rubbing his eyes as he sluggishly grabbed one of the bottles again. He hasn't thought of that night in so long and he just wanted to forget what he saw. Jamie clenched her jaw and slammed her fist on the table. "How dare he fucking do that to you?" she asked through her teeth. Dean glared at Jamie, "What else was he supposed to do?" He asked his voice raising. "You were gone! And, as he always said, I was second oldest! Did you really think life was just going to be the same for me after you left?" This time Jamie didn't flinch away from Dean's anger. She knew he was hurt and pissed and everything, but she was sick of this. She knew how this was supposed to go—her boys yelling and screaming at her and bitching her out—and she'd except that, but not this. Not the fact that Dean was a part of something he never should have seen. "When you left, all your responsibilities became mine!" Dean continued. "Dean, whether you believe me or not, I am truly sorry for leaving, but what John did was wrong. I won't forgive him. You were 12! No 12-year-old should see what happens during an exorcism!" She spat out with such fury that it made Dean feel like he was a little kid again. Even Sam flinched back a little.

"Did you ever think about us?" Sam asked softly, looking at the table. Jamie looked over to her baby brother, hiding a flinch when he looked up at her and she saw the anguish in his eyes. "Every day." "Oh, god." Dean mumbles as he leans back in his chair. "You know what, Dean? Grow up. If you don't believe what I have to say, then I'm sorry for you, but I've never lied to you two before. I may have left, but I never stopped thinking about my two boys." She says as she looks both to Dean and Sam. Jamie sighed as she yanked a whiskey bottle off the table, "Give me a break." She says under her breath as she takes a drink. "See you've taking up 'How to Cope 101' with John Winchester." Dad says grimly. Jamie rolls her eyes, "Wouldn't be a Winchester if I didn't drink, huh, Dean?" she said with bitterness in her voice.

Jamie clears her throat and looks at Sam. "Every day, I thought about you two. I love my son and the life I built for us and I won't say I regret having him…" Jamie hesitantly but lovingly placed her hand on Sam's cheek when she saw him clench and move his jaw, a tell that he was trying not to cry, "But there was never a time I didn't wish you and Dean were by my side. Helping me through the pregnancy, picking out names for him…"Jamie pauses, trying to keep her composure, but it didn't work, her voice breaks anyway, "Watching him take his first steps." Dean sat there with his arms crossed in front of him. "What's his name?" He asked lowly, not looking up. Jamie laughed once and leaned back into the chair, "You won't believe me when I tell you." "Oh, God." Sam growned, "You didn't name his Carl Jr., did you?" Jamie snickered and pushed Sam's shoulder, "No I didn't, smart ass." She clears her throat, "His name is J.D." "Which stands for…" Sam said to her, Jamie looked down at the table, "Jonathan Dean."


End file.
